A Little Priest Lyrics

			#17 concludes
		(TODD drops down into the barber's chair in a sweat,
 		panting)

			MRS. LOVETT
		(Who has been watching him intently)
That's all very well, but all that matters now is him!
		(She points to the trunk which holds PIRELLI's 
		body. TODD still sits motionless.  She goes 
		to him, peers at him)
Listen!  Do you hear me?  Can you hear me?  Get control of yourself.  
		(She slaps his cheek.  After a long pause, Todd, 
		still in a half-dream, gets to his feet)
What are we going to do about him?  And there's the lad downstairs.  
We'd better go and have a look and be sure he's still there.  When 
I left him, he was sound asleep in the parlor.  
		(She starts down the stairs)
Come on!
		(TODD follows.  She disappears into the back parlor
		and re-emerges)
			(MRS. LOVETT (cont'd)
No problem there.  He's still sleeping.  He's simple as a baby lamb.
Later I can fob him off with some story easy.  But him!  
		(Indicating the tonsorial parlor above)
What are we going to do with him?

			TODD
		(Disinterestedly)
Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and 
bury him.  

			MRS. LOVETT
Well, of course, we could do that.  I don't suppose there's any 
relatives going to come poking around looking for him.


		#18.  A LITTLE PRIEST

		(CHORD)

			MRS. LOVETT (cont'd)
		(After a long pause)
Well, you know me.  Sometimes ideas just pop into my head and I 
was thinking...

	SEEMS A DOWNRIGHT SHAME.

			SWEENEY TODD
Shame?

			MRS. LOVETT
	SEEMS AN AWFUL WASTE.
	SUCH A NICE, PLUMP FRAME
	WHAT'S-HIS-NAME HAS... HAD... HAS
	NOR IT CAN'T BE TRACED.

	BUSINESS NEEDS A LIFT...
	DEBTS TO BE ERASED...
	THINK OF IT AS THRIFT, 
	AS A GIFT...
	IF YOU GET MY DRIFT?

		(TODD is staring into space)
No?
	SEEMS AN AWFUL WASTE.  
	I MEAN WITH THE PRICE OF 
	MEAT WHAT IT IS, 
	WHEN YOU GET IT.
	IF YOU GET IT....

		(TODD chuckles)
	GOOD, YOU GOT IT.
	TAKE, FOR INSTANCE, 
	MRS. MOONEY AND HER PIE SHOP.
	BUSINESS NEVER BETTER USING ONLY
	PUSSYCATS AND TOAST.

	NOW A PUSSY'S GOOD FOR MAYBE 
	SIX OR SEVEN AT THE MOST.  
	AND I'M SURE THEY CAN'T COMPARE
	AS FAR AS TASTE.

		SWEENEY TODD
	MRS. LOVETT, 
	WHAT A CHARMING NOTION			MRS. LOVETT
	EMINENTLY PRACTICAL AND YET 	   WELL, IT DOES SEEM 
					   A WASTE...
	APPROPRIATE AS ALWAYS.		It's an idea...
	MRS. LOVETT
	HOW I'VE LIVED WITHOUT YOU
	ALL THESE YEARS I'LL NEVER KNOW	   THINK ABOUT IT!
	HOW DELECTABLE.			   LOTS OF OTHER GENTLEMEN 
					   WILL SOON BE COMING FOR
					   A SHAVE, WON'T THEY?
	ALSO UNDETECTABLE	
	HOW CHOICE!	.  		   THINK OF ALL THEM
	HOW RARE!			   PIES!	  

	OH, WHAT'S THE SOUND OF THE WORLD
	OUT THERE?

				MRS. LOVETT
	WHAT, MISTER TODD
	WHAT, MISTER TODD
	WHAT IS THAT SOUND?

				SWEENEY TODD
	THOSE CRUNCHING NOISES
	PERVADING THE AIR.

				MRS. LOVETT
	YES, MISTER TODD
	YES, MISTER TODD
	YES, ALL AROUND!

				SWEENEY TODD
	IT'S MAN DEVOURING MAN, MY DEAR.

				SWEENEY TODD/MRS. LOVETT
	AND/THEN WHO ARE WE TO DENY IT IN HERE?

				SWEENEY TODD
These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are 
called for.

		(MRS. LOVETT goes to the counter and comes back with 
		an imaginary pie.)  

				MRS. LOVETT
		(Holding it out to him)
Here we are, hot from the oven.

				SWEENEY TODD
What is that?

				MRS. LOVETT
	IT'S PRIEST.
	HAVE A LITTLE PRIEST.

	`			SWEENEY TODD
	IS IT REALLY GOOD?

				MRS. LOVETT
	SIR, IT'S TOO GOOD
	AT LEAST.
	THEN AGAIN THEY DON'T COMMIT
	SINS OF THE FLESH....
	SO IT'S PRETTY FRESH.

				SWEENEY TODD
	AWFUL LOT OF FAT.

				MRS. LOVETT
	ONLY WHERE IT SAT.

				SWEENEY TODD
	HAVEN'T YOU GOT POET OR 
	SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

				MRS. LOVETT
	NO, YOU SEE, THE TROUBLE 
	WITH POET IS HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S
	DECEASED?
	TRY THE PRIEST.  

				SWEENEY TODD
		(Tasting it)
Heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but not as bland as 
curate either.  

				MRS. LOVETT
Good for business, too.  Always leaves you wanting more.  Trouble 
is, we only get it in Sundays.  

		(Offering another pie)


	LAWYER'S RATHER NICE.

				SWEENEY TODD
	IF IT'S FOR A PRICE.  

				MRS. LOVETT
	ORDER SOMETHING ELSE, 
	THOUGH TO FOLLOW 
	SINCE NO ONE SHOULD SWALLOW
	IT TWICE!

				SWEENEY TODD
	ANYTHING THAT'S LEAN?

				MRS. LOVETT
	WELL, THEN IF YOU'RE BRITISH AND LOYAL
	YOU MIGHT ENJOY ROYAL MARINE.
	ANYWAY IT'S CLEAN.
	THOUGH OF COURSE IT TASTES OF 
	WHEREVER IT'S BEEN...
				SWEENEY TODD
		   (Looking past her at an imaginary oven)
	IS THAT SQUIRE
	ON THE FIRE?

				MRS. LOVETT
	MERCY, NO, SIR, LOOK CLOSER
	YOU'LL NOTICE IT'S GROCER.

				SWEENEY TODD
	LOOKS THICKER
	MORE LIKE VICAR.

				MRS. LOVETT
	NO IT HAS TO BE GROCER
	IT'S GREEN.  

		(THEY roar with laughter)

				SWEENEY TODD
	THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, MY LOVE...

				MRS. LOVETT
	SAVE A LOT OF GRAVES.
	DO A LOT OF RELATIVES FAVORS.....

				SWEENEY TODD
	IS THOSE BELOW SERVING
	THOSE UP ABOVE.

				MRS. LOVETT
	EVERYBODY SHAVES.
	SO, THERE SHOULD BE PLENTY OF FLAVORS...

				SWEENEY TODD
	HOW GRATIFYING FOR ONCE TO KNOW

				BOTH
	THAT THOSE ABOVE 
	WILL SERVE THOSE 
	DOWN BELOW!

	   MRS. LOVETT 		     SWEENEY TODD
Now let's see, here... 
We've got tinker.
				Something... pinker.
Tailor?
				Paler.
Butler?
				Subtler.
Potter?
				Hotter.
Locksmith?
				     (TODD is stuck for a rhyme)

				MRS. LOVETT
	   (Smugly offering another pie)
	LOVELY BIT OF CLERK

				SWEENEY TODD
	MAYBE FOR A LARK

				MRS. LOVETT
	THEN AGAIN THERE'S SWEEP
	IF YOU WANT IT CHEAP
	AND YOU LIKE IT DARK!
	TRY THE FINANCIER
	PEAK OF HIS CAREER!

				SWEENEY TODD
	THAT LOOKS PRETTY RANK

				MRS. LOVETT
	WELL, HE DRANK
	IT'S A BANK CASHIER.
	NEVER REALLY SOLD.
	MAYBE IT WAS OLD

				SWEENEY TODD
	HAVE YOU ANY BEADLE?

				MRS. LOVETT
	NEXT WEEK (SO I'M TOLD)
	BEADLE ISN'T BAD 'TIL YOU SMELL IT AND
	NOTICE HOW WELL IT'S BEEN GREASED...
	STICK TO PRIEST.

		(Offering another pie)

Now then, this might be a little bit stringy, 
but then of course it's... fiddle player!

			SWEENEY TODD
This isn't fiddle player.  It's piccolo player

			MRS. LOVETT
'Ow can you tell?

			SWEENEY TODD
It's piping hot!
		
		(Guffaws)
			MRS. LOVETT
Then blow on it first!

		(They fall about with laughter)

				SWEENEY TODD
	THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, MY SWEET

				MRS. LOVETT
	OH, MISTER TODD
	OOH, MISTER TOOD
	WHAT DOES IT TELL?

				SWEENEY TODD
	IS WHO GETS EATEN AND
	WHO GETS TO EAT.

				MRS. LOVETT
	AND, MISTER TODD
	TOO MISTER TODD
	WHO GETS TO SELL.

				SWEENEY TODD
	BUT, FORTUNATELY, 
	IT'S ALSO CLEAR

				BOTH
	THAT EVERYBODY GOES
	DOWN WELL WITH BEER

				MRS LOVETT			
Since marine doesn't appeal to you, 'ow about... rear admiral?

				SWEENEY TODD
Too salty. I prefer general.

				MRS LOVETT
With, or without his privates? "With" is extra.

		(Guffaws)

				SWEENEY TODD
What is that?

				MRS. LOVETT
	IT'S FOP.
	FINEST IN THE SHOP.
	AND WE HAVE SOME SHEPHERD'S PIE
	PEPPERED WITH ACTUAL SHEPHERD ON TOP.
	AND I'VE JUST BEGUN
	HERE'S A POLITICIAN SO OILY
	IT'S SERVED WITH A DOILY.
	WANT ONE?

				SWEENEY TODD
	PUT IT ON A BUN.
	WELL YOU NEVER KNOW IF IT'S
	GOING TO RUN!

				MRS. LOVETT
	TRY THE FRIAR--FRIED IT'S DRIER.

				SWEENEY TODD
	NO THE CLERGY IS REALLY TO COARSE
	AND TOO MEALY.

				MRS. LOVETT
	THEN ACTOR
	THAT'S COMPACTER.

				SWEENEY TODD
	YES, AND ALWAYS ARRIVES OVERDONE!

	I'LL COME AGAIN WHEN YOU
	HAVE JUDGE ON THE MENU!

				MRS. LOVETT
Wait! True, we don't have judge yet,
but we've got something you might fancy even better.

				SWEENEY TODD
What's that?

				MRS. LOVETT
		(She offers him a butcher's cleaver)	
Executioner!
		(He takes the cleaver, hands her the wooden 
		rolling pin from the counter and they sing 
		cheerfully into the night--murderous and 
		quite mad)

				SWEENEY TODD
	HAVE CHARITY TOWARDS THE WORLD, MY PET.

				MRS. LOVETT
	YES.  YES.  I KNOW, MY LOVE.

				SWEENEY TODD
	WE'LL TAKE THE CUSTOMERS
	THAT WE CAN GET!

				MRS. LOVETT
	HIGH-BORN AND LOW, MY LOVE.



				SWEENEY TODD
	WE'LL NOT DISCRIMINATE GREAT FROM SMALL.
	NO WE'LL SERVE ANYONE--MEANING ANYONE

				BOTH
	AND TO ANYONE
	AT ALL!

		(TABLEAU:  The butcher and the baker)


				END OF ACT 1