Amish Paradise Lyrics

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take  look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me 
You know I shun fancy things like electricty
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milking cows, 
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows...fool! 
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that 
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone. 
I'm a man of the land I'm into discipline
Got my Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin. 
But if I finish all my chores and you finish thine 
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699.

CHORUS-
We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise
I've churned butter once or twice living in an Amish Paradise
It's hard work and sarifice living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price living in an Amish Paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek, 
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in Hell. 
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it,
An Amish with a 'tude you know that's unheard of. 
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat 
And my homies agree I really look good in black...fool! 
If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears 
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years. 
But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare,
We're just technologically impared.

There's no phones no lights no motor cars not a single luxury 
Like Robinson carusoe we're as primitive as can be.

CHORUS-

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise.
We're just plain and simple guys lving in an Amish Paradise
There's no time for sin and vice living in an Amish Paradise.
We don't fight we all play nice living in an Amish Paradise.

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter, raise a barn on Monday,
Soon I'll raise another. 
Think you're really righeous, think you're pure in heart 
Well I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art.
I'm the pious guy the little Amlets wanna be like 
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife. 
So don't be vain and don't be whiny or else my brother I might have to ger medieval on your heiny

CHORUS-

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish Paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites living in an Amish Paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights living in an Amish Paradise
But you'd probably think it bites living in an Amish Paradise.