The Buffoon And The Valedictorian Lyrics

"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's
valedictorian." 

Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people
are intimidated by my high academic achievement." 

Buffoon: "This movie sucks shit!" 

Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was
too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly." 

Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!" 

Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her
maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman
her age, doesn't she?" 

Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin'
head off." 

Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their
maturing process." 

Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives
everybody head." 

Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels
promiscuity is the only way to obtain it." 

[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed
all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn] 

Valedictorian: "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly
disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by
the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank." 

Buffoon: "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin'
mind!" 

Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and
unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis. 

Buffoon: "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!" 

Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more
overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the
food digested or that person's internal metabolism." 

Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
[Gets out of the car] 

Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt
conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future
rondevue." 

Buffoon: "I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!" 

Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away]